Black

Lost. That's what I see. A lost person. You are lost.
You don't know where to go, you don't know where you are. You just lost
You feel like you are in a weird dimension. Alone. No hands to reach. Just you and yourself
But even from that solitude, I can see your desperate cry. A cry to get out of that dimension
You are so desperate you just want to see rainbows but you forgot that rainbows will only come after the rain, storm and thunder.
You start to feel hopeless.
"Maybe rainbows don't exist anymore"

You hate yourself. Thinking yourself exist as a mistake
You think that you were born just to be damned
You don't deserve happiness. Even  happiness do not want to knock on your door
"God made a huge mistake by making me"

You think people hate you. You think people just hate your existence.
Those who knew you, throw you away like you are nothing
It made you feel useless, bad and worst
"I just don't deserve anyone"

You think you are a monster. Engulfed into your own demon
You feel ugly as the demon ate your soul
You can't see light. You only see darkness. Pitch black
"Maybe I am actually the demon"

Little did you know, you are totally wrong
It's okay to be lost. One day you will find ways. I will be there to help you find them. I will not leave you alone in the journey

It's okay to hate yourself but you have to know that God never made mistakes. You have been chosen by Him. You are the chosen one. You did win the race before you were even born

It's okay to feel like people hate you. Because there are people like that. They left, they stay only to get everything they wanted. Once they got it, they leave you unwanted. They just don't know how to appreciate things. They are selfish. They just don't deserve you and every beautiful thing you have in you.

It's okay to feel that way. Your demon is beautiful too. It just it isn't tame enough. One day, it will be tamed and even shine the light for you. The demon will turn into angel someday.

You are beautiful. Your soul, your heart, your thoughts are all beautiful.
I am sorry that a person as beautiful as you need to go through this shit.
But you need to know that everything that happens in this world has their own reason. Your life too
One day, you will find them. You won't get lost anymore.
Hang in there, let's wait for the rainbow. Together.

Worth

You had given me enough assurance but why do I still feel this way? It's like back to when I don't know where I am standing in your life. It's like I'm just scared that everything you assured me disappeared. Maybe I am not that worthy anymore. I know it's wrong to assume things but I can't help it. The feeling of wanting to disappear from your life keep on coming. I just feel like going away but I know that will make it worse for you. Why do I feel like I am being trapped? I don't want to think about it but I can't help it. It became worse when I keep on dreaming about you. The vivid dream is not helping at all. The dream shows what I want to do with you, what I want to say to you. Sleeping is not something wonderful for me lately. You're not breaking me but I feel like you are. I am sorry

Glad

Thank you for reaching out to me when you need someone. I really feel appreciated. I feel complete, when I'm with you. Feels like I don't need anything else. This feeling is the same as the first time you helped me out of my misery. 

It just me

Everybody tells me that I am stupid.
Everybody said that he is a bad news
Everybody tells me to stay away
Everybody dislikes the idea of me and him

I agree with every single thing they said. I fully agreed but my heart is the hardest to convince in this world. I just can't
I just can't leave him
And I won't leave him. Until he leaves me.
That is my promise

Hurt me. Break me. It hurts. A lot. But when it comes to you, I am unbreakable.

Tired

Why does it still hurt? So bad. I am seriously tired

Lessons

One thing that I learned in love is, if he want to stay, he will. If he wants you, he will. Nothing could make him change his mind. Nothing. Even with your never-ending efforts.